


It's not a national sport, but pretty close

by melonbutterfly



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-08
Updated: 2011-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-14 13:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonbutterfly/pseuds/melonbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People like to order dirty, dirty cocktails from Zach. They get what they asked for; the only one who doesn't just get the drink but also what it says on the tin is Chris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not a national sport, but pretty close

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the ontd_pinto bartender challenge.

Zach likes his job. Sure, being a bartender isn't exactly fancy, but it serves several purposes – it pays the bills, gives him easy human interaction, provides entertainment, and lets him watch other people's interaction, a sort of hobby of his.

One thing he doesn't like, though, is the absolutely _crappy_ come-ons. The people ordering cocktails with names like "Screaming Orgasm" or the all-time favourite "Sex on the Beach" started to bore him on his second day, and half the time, he is only the medium that provides the drinkable pick-up lines (the rest of the time, people order them while staring at him meaningfully and then sucking suggestively at the straws, which wasn't even sexy the first time, much less the one-hundred-and-first).

Chris thinks it's all fairly hilarious, which figures. He actually keeps a tally sheet pinned to their fridge, and he makes Zach check for every time someone tried to order him to "Mountain Dew Me, please!". Zach cannot express his relief at the fact that his bar does not offer the drink "Suck, Bang & Blow!"; he'd probably not be able to contain his expression at that one. (His only consolation is that Chris would probably piss himself laughing if Zach ever came home from work with a "Suck, Bang & Blow! please"-story – though he lives in fear of what kind of jokes Chris would come up related to that cocktail. He already keeps calling him Shirley (Bend Over Shirley, too sweet for Zach's taste) and thinks it's funny.)

Unfortunately, they do offer "Butt Sex", "Sex on my Face" (which makes Chris giggle like a thirteen-year-old girl; Zach half-expects him to start handing him little notes of the "Do you like me? Check Yes, No, Maybe"-kind) and "Blow Job"'s, and Chris comes by the bar after work often enough to witness a couple of "innovative" (Zach can just _hear them think that_ ) pick-up lines. Zach is kind of glad Chris isn't the jealous type (it amuses him in various ways, or it makes him smug, which is pretty much the weirdest reaction Zach has ever had in concerns of him being hit on by many people of pretty much all genders and ages).

His relief is, though, proportional to the amount of fun Chris is having at his expense, and today, there has to be no less than three and perhaps even more bachelorette parties, and at least one bachelor party, and for some reason, those always seem to think it's absolutely hilarious to order the drink with the dirtiest name, preferably while being watched by friends – hitting on the bartender and shrieking laughter inclusive. Chris, who only came in perhaps fifteen minutes ago, looks like he's can't even breathe, he's laughing so hard. The biggest problem Zach has with that is probably that he looks so- so _enchanting_ , eyes sparkling, skin flushed, kind of hot and adorable at the same time, that he can barely feign annoyance at him. It makes him want to fuck Chris and cuddle him simultaneously, a combination of emotions he should by now be used to associating with his boyfriend, but somehow still isn't.

And then, Chris visibly calms himself down (it probably hadn't helped that Karl, one of the waiters and their friend, had spent five minutes relating tales of the shenanigans of the bachelor/bachelorette parties that Chris had not been witness to to him, and as a sort of revenge, Zach keeps sending him back into the pit that is the single's area) and comes to the bar, waiting until Zach could serve him personally. Even if his eyes weren't sparkling like that, Zach would have been cautious, and then Chris gives him his widest, most innocent smile and says, "One Virgin Prince, please."

Zach raises his eyebrow and says, "Not in this life" and gives him a "Fuck Me Hard" instead.


End file.
